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When letting them go is for their own good... | Sandling All Day

Thursday, May 3, 2018

When letting them go is for their own good...

I'm here to tell you, ANYTHING regarding your children is tough... more than anything else in the entire world... But what's beyond impossible, is when your only choice, is to let them go.  I mean, LET THEM GO.

My son is angry.  No... not angry.  He's explosive.  He's controlling.  He's enraged.  Every moment that he isn't busy with something that he enjoys, he's impossible.
Recently, EVERY time he walks out of his room, when he's not going to the bathroom, he comes out to talk about his game, what he got, etc.  Then, immediately after he's finished, he starts throwing things.  Everything. He. Can.  At his father.  We have big boxes of medical supplies that just arrived, and haven't gone into the garage.  He heaves them over his head, and lodges them, easily 10 feet, to his dad, whose sitting on the couch.  We're talking about HEAVY boxes.  Then come the family games.  Hangars.  He walks around dumping out drawers, tipping over shelves... anything he can do to be destructive.  His recent thing is walking by the washer and dryer and KICKING them.  Both have huge dents... Yes, I'll probably have to replace them when we move.  And his bedroom door...which has entire pieces cracked and broken.
This is when he doesn't attack me.  Me, it's different.  He throws things like empty bottles at me..which, because of their speed and force, hurt worse than nearly anything I can imagine.  He chokes me.  All the time.  It's his go to.  He pushes me across the room.  My weight causes me to move faster than my knees can catch up, so I end up falling...usually with my knees bent.  The most painful position I could be in.

He now has a new therapist (sort of...he was transferred to him from his last) and he hasn't met him.  Tomorrow he's scheduled for his first appointment.  I don't know if he'll go.  If he doesn't, it seems like our ONLY option is to find out how to put him inpatient, to get him under control.  I can already see it...he's going to cry and BEG US NOT TO MAKE HIM.  It's going to be heart-wrenchingly painful, and honestly, I don't know if I can actually do it....
but the reality is, I truly fear for my safety with him.  I fear that one day, in the not too distant future, he will end up hurting one of us... or worse... killing one of us. He rarely shows remorse or regret.  He doesn't care how much I'm crying, or in pain.
He walks away... laughing.

Today he grabbed a couple charging cords, and began trying to use them to whip his father.  When his dad grabbed it, he began lodging things towards us... giant, painful things.
Earlier, it was a FULL box of national geographic magazines.... the box hit my husband... but the magazines flew out and each one hit me in my leg and foot.
I know my husband takes the brunt of each beating for me.  He prefers to allow himself to get hurt, than watch me get hurt, and he can't do anything.

Yes, my husband could, if he wanted, just deck my son, one good time, and knock him out...but then he'd be in prison for child abuse... not self-defense.  Regardless if it's a child who is bigger than you...stronger than you.  and beating you EVERY SINGLE DAY.  SOMETIMES 3 AND 4 AND 5 AND 6 TIMES EACH DAY.

So we choose to finally, let him go.  He may never come back... he may never forgive us.  But I can only hope he'll get better.

If I must give up my child, for him to get better... it's what I must do.

1 comment:

  1. Oh man mama. So hard and difficult. It definitely sounds like he needs some inpatient help and some serious consequences st home. We have removed doors and video games from the house when behavior warranted it. I haven’t gone through anything like this so no judgement here but it does sound like some serious intervention is needed. You can’t beat him but you can have the police remove him for abuse. A friend had to go that route. It was hard for her but her child needed it.

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