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How do you call the police on your CHILD, when it's NECESSARY | Sandling All Day

Saturday, April 28, 2018

How do you call the police on your CHILD, when it's NECESSARY

My 12yr old son suffers from anger.   Not plain old, run of the mill anger... no... this is explosive.  This is unstoppable. This is 10 to the millionth power WAY past anger.

He's had anger issues, but it was always attributed to his anxiety, caused by the severe bullying and tormenting he went through after moving to the school district we're in.  It wasn't just students.. it was STAFF as well... in fact, our whole family was bullied by them... threatened by them.  One staff member even called CPS on us simply because she was mad that my husband wouldn't agree to sign paperwork to be a volunteer.

Now, nearly 3 years later, his anger has evolved.  It's changed.  It's become something otherworldly...

He's dangerous when he's angry.  It comes on with NO warning...  one moment he's sitting in his room, the next, he's out here throwing things, punching and kicking his dad, choking me...
His favorite move right now is a double hammer fist... he locks his fingers and comes down on his dads shoulder or knees...the two places on his body that are RACKED with pain... both places need major surgery.. and our son knows it.
Me, he prefers to choke... one handed, so I KNOW how powerful he really is.  How strong he is.

Very recently, he hit a growth spurt.  One day, he was taller than me.  The next, he was MUCH taller than me.  He's currently looking over my head... he's about 5'4 and 240lbs.  With the punch of a grown man.

He's scary when he's mad... we've tried everything.  He's been in therapy since he was 3. Parent/Child therapy, parent therapy, parent support group, parent partners, team assistance, anger management... and meds.

His most recent therapist/ psychiatrist didn't help at all.  The therapist was quiet, and couldn't get him to really participate in therapy.  Most of what they did was play games and talk a little... which didn't help.  Then she went on maternity leave, and is not returning to therapy... so instead of switch therapists, we decided we wanted to switch to another clinic altogether... the problem with that, is that the new clinic is WAY difficult to get in.. it's funny, you have to jump through more hoops than you would trying to make an appointment to see a judge!
For a person suffering from anxiety or depression, it's hard enough to make an appointment...but they expect you to arrive a 8am, to get an appointment for later in the day.  It's FIRST COME FIRST SERVED, so you may actually NOT EVEN GET AN APPOINTMENT.   It's ridiculous.
What's more, is they don't provide ANY exceptions.  So a person whose physically disabled, and can't get down there twice STILL has to... or sorry...no help.

His last psychiatrist was just a piece of work...
So our son suffers from severe anxiety.  This is the premise of why we started seeing him in the first place.  Our child is also bigger and stronger than we are.  So when he started getting bullied at school, he started refusing to go... because he was scared.  We brought it to the doc, hoping he'd increase his meds, or have SOME helpful idea.

us:  He's having a really tough time getting himself to go to school.  He's really scared, and most mornings just tears his clothes back off and barricades himself in his room, crying, begging not to go.

doc:  Just make him go.

us: how do we do that, exactly? He's bigger and stronger, and barricades himself in:

doc: just make him go.

I seriously wanted to SCREAM.   I'm not sure how to get it across to him, that his help is USELESS..but he didn't seem to care.

Eventually, we spoke to his therapist, and asked if we could 1) switch doctors...he was just unhelpful.  and 2) could we get our son re-assessed, because we felt like he is suffering from more than just anxiety...he has anger, and we want a diagnosis.

We were told that we COULD get a new doctor, but it would take a LONG time, because we'd be put back 'in the que'..so basically like a BRAND NEW PATIENT...

and we were told that she would "look into getting him an assessment".. Guess what NEVER happened.

So my son sits, every day, struggling with his anger and anxiety.  He no longer goes to school, and cannot bring himself to go outside to play.  He literally stays inside all day long.  The problem, is this get's boring for him...quickly

We recently spoke to his primary doc, and he thinks it's more chemical than behavioral.  He's probably right.  But how can I get him the help he (we) so DESPERATELY need?
Calling the police isn't the answer. The reality is, he'll come home more angry...

I'm so tired of getting hurt, so tired of being scared, but mostly, so tired of seeing my baby boy unable to control himself.


2 comments:

  1. Has he been assessed for autism? What’s he doing for school now? Sounds like he needs positive rewards. But also natural consequences. In my house violent behavior is a end all. We can be angry but not mean. Any physical assault means all electronics leave the premises until three days of no physical violence. Had to do it twice

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He has not been tested. While he shows some shared traits, nothing to make his doctors focus there.
      If we were to remove his electronics, it would simply end any break we have from his violence.
      Both my husband and I are physically disabled, and unable to prevent him from fighting.
      He is the size of an adult, with the physical strength of one too...

      Delete

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