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Sandling All Day

Monday, May 21, 2018

What is next??? Any options at all?

I truly wonder if there is going to be any REAL help out there... Inpatient psychiatry doesn't even look like a viable solution... most kids stay there 3-5 days, and if the doctors don't SEE the behaviors you and the outpatient therapists are reporting happen, they cannot treat them.

I'll be the FIRST to tell you, my son won't be aggressive there to other people... it's not him.
The ONLY way that he'll be aggressive, is if they put us in a room alone, where he doesn't know they can see him... Then his colors may come out. Especially if he knows that we won't take him home.

I'm so lost.  I don't even know what to do.  I can't keep getting abused every day... I can't watch my son slowly kill my husband.  I honestly don't know if I could even forgive my child, if he did something that caused his father's death.  How could I even look at him, much less continue to live with him alone, taking the full on beatings that his father saves me from?
My husband will get in between us, just so our son will turn his anger on him, and off of me...

I'm so scared. I don't want to loose my son OR my husband...  but in the process, I'm really just loosing myself.

I need help...  and have no where to go anymore.  I love my mom, but she doesn't really even like my son.  She loves him, but barely knows him...  She is angry with him, because he hurts us.  And because of that, it shows every time she sees him.  She used to not believe there was even anything wrong with him.  For years.  Until she met a woman with a child with similar problems, who told her stories.  That changed her opinion of his issues, and her willingness to believe... but she's still not there.

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Thursday, May 3, 2018

When letting them go is for their own good...

I'm here to tell you, ANYTHING regarding your children is tough... more than anything else in the entire world... But what's beyond impossible, is when your only choice, is to let them go.  I mean, LET THEM GO.

My son is angry.  No... not angry.  He's explosive.  He's controlling.  He's enraged.  Every moment that he isn't busy with something that he enjoys, he's impossible.
Recently, EVERY time he walks out of his room, when he's not going to the bathroom, he comes out to talk about his game, what he got, etc.  Then, immediately after he's finished, he starts throwing things.  Everything. He. Can.  At his father.  We have big boxes of medical supplies that just arrived, and haven't gone into the garage.  He heaves them over his head, and lodges them, easily 10 feet, to his dad, whose sitting on the couch.  We're talking about HEAVY boxes.  Then come the family games.  Hangars.  He walks around dumping out drawers, tipping over shelves... anything he can do to be destructive.  His recent thing is walking by the washer and dryer and KICKING them.  Both have huge dents... Yes, I'll probably have to replace them when we move.  And his bedroom door...which has entire pieces cracked and broken.
This is when he doesn't attack me.  Me, it's different.  He throws things like empty bottles at me..which, because of their speed and force, hurt worse than nearly anything I can imagine.  He chokes me.  All the time.  It's his go to.  He pushes me across the room.  My weight causes me to move faster than my knees can catch up, so I end up falling...usually with my knees bent.  The most painful position I could be in.

He now has a new therapist (sort of...he was transferred to him from his last) and he hasn't met him.  Tomorrow he's scheduled for his first appointment.  I don't know if he'll go.  If he doesn't, it seems like our ONLY option is to find out how to put him inpatient, to get him under control.  I can already see it...he's going to cry and BEG US NOT TO MAKE HIM.  It's going to be heart-wrenchingly painful, and honestly, I don't know if I can actually do it....
but the reality is, I truly fear for my safety with him.  I fear that one day, in the not too distant future, he will end up hurting one of us... or worse... killing one of us. He rarely shows remorse or regret.  He doesn't care how much I'm crying, or in pain.
He walks away... laughing.

Today he grabbed a couple charging cords, and began trying to use them to whip his father.  When his dad grabbed it, he began lodging things towards us... giant, painful things.
Earlier, it was a FULL box of national geographic magazines.... the box hit my husband... but the magazines flew out and each one hit me in my leg and foot.
I know my husband takes the brunt of each beating for me.  He prefers to allow himself to get hurt, than watch me get hurt, and he can't do anything.

Yes, my husband could, if he wanted, just deck my son, one good time, and knock him out...but then he'd be in prison for child abuse... not self-defense.  Regardless if it's a child who is bigger than you...stronger than you.  and beating you EVERY SINGLE DAY.  SOMETIMES 3 AND 4 AND 5 AND 6 TIMES EACH DAY.

So we choose to finally, let him go.  He may never come back... he may never forgive us.  But I can only hope he'll get better.

If I must give up my child, for him to get better... it's what I must do.

Saturday, April 28, 2018

How do you call the police on your CHILD, when it's NECESSARY

My 12yr old son suffers from anger.   Not plain old, run of the mill anger... no... this is explosive.  This is unstoppable. This is 10 to the millionth power WAY past anger.

He's had anger issues, but it was always attributed to his anxiety, caused by the severe bullying and tormenting he went through after moving to the school district we're in.  It wasn't just students.. it was STAFF as well... in fact, our whole family was bullied by them... threatened by them.  One staff member even called CPS on us simply because she was mad that my husband wouldn't agree to sign paperwork to be a volunteer.

Now, nearly 3 years later, his anger has evolved.  It's changed.  It's become something otherworldly...

He's dangerous when he's angry.  It comes on with NO warning...  one moment he's sitting in his room, the next, he's out here throwing things, punching and kicking his dad, choking me...
His favorite move right now is a double hammer fist... he locks his fingers and comes down on his dads shoulder or knees...the two places on his body that are RACKED with pain... both places need major surgery.. and our son knows it.
Me, he prefers to choke... one handed, so I KNOW how powerful he really is.  How strong he is.

Very recently, he hit a growth spurt.  One day, he was taller than me.  The next, he was MUCH taller than me.  He's currently looking over my head... he's about 5'4 and 240lbs.  With the punch of a grown man.

He's scary when he's mad... we've tried everything.  He's been in therapy since he was 3. Parent/Child therapy, parent therapy, parent support group, parent partners, team assistance, anger management... and meds.

His most recent therapist/ psychiatrist didn't help at all.  The therapist was quiet, and couldn't get him to really participate in therapy.  Most of what they did was play games and talk a little... which didn't help.  Then she went on maternity leave, and is not returning to therapy... so instead of switch therapists, we decided we wanted to switch to another clinic altogether... the problem with that, is that the new clinic is WAY difficult to get in.. it's funny, you have to jump through more hoops than you would trying to make an appointment to see a judge!
For a person suffering from anxiety or depression, it's hard enough to make an appointment...but they expect you to arrive a 8am, to get an appointment for later in the day.  It's FIRST COME FIRST SERVED, so you may actually NOT EVEN GET AN APPOINTMENT.   It's ridiculous.
What's more, is they don't provide ANY exceptions.  So a person whose physically disabled, and can't get down there twice STILL has to... or sorry...no help.

His last psychiatrist was just a piece of work...
So our son suffers from severe anxiety.  This is the premise of why we started seeing him in the first place.  Our child is also bigger and stronger than we are.  So when he started getting bullied at school, he started refusing to go... because he was scared.  We brought it to the doc, hoping he'd increase his meds, or have SOME helpful idea.

us:  He's having a really tough time getting himself to go to school.  He's really scared, and most mornings just tears his clothes back off and barricades himself in his room, crying, begging not to go.

doc:  Just make him go.

us: how do we do that, exactly? He's bigger and stronger, and barricades himself in:

doc: just make him go.

I seriously wanted to SCREAM.   I'm not sure how to get it across to him, that his help is USELESS..but he didn't seem to care.

Eventually, we spoke to his therapist, and asked if we could 1) switch doctors...he was just unhelpful.  and 2) could we get our son re-assessed, because we felt like he is suffering from more than just anxiety...he has anger, and we want a diagnosis.

We were told that we COULD get a new doctor, but it would take a LONG time, because we'd be put back 'in the que'..so basically like a BRAND NEW PATIENT...

and we were told that she would "look into getting him an assessment".. Guess what NEVER happened.

So my son sits, every day, struggling with his anger and anxiety.  He no longer goes to school, and cannot bring himself to go outside to play.  He literally stays inside all day long.  The problem, is this get's boring for him...quickly

We recently spoke to his primary doc, and he thinks it's more chemical than behavioral.  He's probably right.  But how can I get him the help he (we) so DESPERATELY need?
Calling the police isn't the answer. The reality is, he'll come home more angry...

I'm so tired of getting hurt, so tired of being scared, but mostly, so tired of seeing my baby boy unable to control himself.


Monday, April 23, 2018

These make any DIY wood or metal job easy and fun!!

Recently I FINALLY bought myself an oscillating multi-tool and a rotary tool. (Think a Dremel, but not NEARLY as expensive!)
I've always wanted to make my husband a walking stick/cane.  It's been a dream of mine for a very long time, but these tools were always out of the budget.  I found some on Amazon that work like a dream, and if you're blessed, you can usually find one with a coupon or some other deal attached.

Once you buy the tool, though, you'll quickly realize that you want different accessories to go with it!  I've found there are some REALLY cheap ones on ebay, but they don't last long, and you probably want to wear a metal suit, because they can be dangerous when not made properly. 


I found some really well made oscillating multi-tool quick release saw blades that fit MOST brands, are SUPER easy to install, and are Amazon Prime eligible, so they arrive in as quick as 2 days.  What else could you ask for!  Well there's more, of course.  The pack includes TWENTY blades, so you've got plenty to choose from.  The measurements on each blade allows you precision cutting, so you can go the exact depth you want EVERY time.


Your pack includes the following:


3 Pack - 1-3/8-Inch Bi-Metal Oscillating saw blades.
3 Pack - 1-3/4-Inch Wood/Soft-Metal Oscillating saw blades.
3 Pack - 1-3/4-Inch Precision Japan Tooth Oscillating saw blades.
3 Pack - 1-3/4-Inch Bi-Metal Oscillating saw blades.
4 Pack - 1-3/8-Inch Wood/Soft-Metal Oscillating saw blades.
4 Pack - 1-3/8-Inch Precision Japan Tooth Oscillating saw blades.





There is a list on the Amazon page of specific models of Dremel, Fein, Craftsman, Milwaukee and other brands that it either needs an adaptor for, or will not fit, so you never have to worry if you're buying something that just won't work. 



The company, AMENVTOOL has a long line of great preforming, easy to use and inexpensive tools that are wonderful for ANY hobbyist or at home handy PERSON.  (yes, I said it... I'm a handy-woman..what of it!!)

I particularly love their drill out tools (allows you to remove any screws that are stripped!) as well as their multi-sized socket.  No more needing a box full of sockets!

Right now, you can save up to an extra 20% on many of their tools, and even 50% when you buy another.  Check out their full line of items for the best deals!!

I'm super excited about this brand. I've actually bought many things, including a credit card sized multi-tool.  It can literally fit IN YOUR WALLET, and carries everything from a knife, screwdriver and even a fire starter... and more!!

You can check out this awesome review on Amazon (No relation to me, just has a great video posted) to see a video of what's in the package, since photos aren't always enough.




Sponsored post:

I received a pack of 20 AMENVTOOL oscillating tool blades to test, in exchange for an honest review.  No other compensation was agreed or provided.

Monday, April 2, 2018

MeeQee Premium Car Trunk Organizer

I previously had a trunk organizer that had 3 pockets, and it worked... but collapsed easily when not in use...and not in a good way.  So when I was offered this, I was sorta skeptical, but not for long.

The MeeQee Premium Car Trunk Organizer is the best organizational tool for the back of vehicle that I've come across.  I am so surprised at it's quality!!



First, this is made STRONGER than any other I've seen.  It's dual pockets, but so much more. 
It has clips, in case you only want to use one side without the other impeding.  On one side there are 4 carabiner clips, you can use to attach items to, that don't need to go inside.  The other side has 4 pockets, to allow you to hold the smaller stuff you can't hook!

The bag itself is reinforced, so you don't even need to have anything inside for it to stand up straight.  It comes with a removable floor, to strengthen it as well.  The bottom has non-slip strip and there are 2 straps with hooks you can use to attach to the sides of your vehicle, to prevent it from moving while you drive.  No more broken or spilled...ANYTHING.   It also arrives in a reusable bag, for storage.

It's large enough to fit a variety of items.  In one side alone I have an air compressor for my tires, a battery jumper, flashlights, flasher and emergency kit.  And STILL have room for more!!



There are handles on both sides, reinforced, so you can successfully carry it full, and easily move it around without removing all the items.

I am surprised at the strength and quality of this organizer.  From the stitching to the fabric choice, it really is top notch. 

It's not just me who REALLY loves this... it's current reviews on amazon are 4.8/5 stars!!!  With 77 reviews, that's saying something!  Interested in one yourself?  I don't blame you.  Buy now, and get an extra 5% off.  You can buy it on Amazon today.

Saturday, March 31, 2018

Teqin Bedwetting Alarm Review

You may have read my blog post about bedwetting.  It really is more common than most people realize!  It's nothing to be ashamed about, and there are tools to help minimize it's effects on your child and yourself. (laundry included)

One thing that my family has chosen to do was employ the use of a bedwetting alarm.  It's a simple, effective device.  You attach it to your child's arm, and run the waterproof line inside their shirt, down to their underwear or diaper.  Place the sensor in the area where wetting first occurs (you don't want to place it on their bottom) and put them to sleep.  When the sensor FIRST senses even the slightest amount of moisture, it sends off a loud alarm that wakes your child, and allows them to get up and finish in the bathroom.
In order to be successful in nighttime toileting, you MUST stay the course.  You cannot use it 3 days a week, and expect it to work properly.  

There are PLENTY of choices on the market.  From sensors to mats, from dirt cheap to storage unit rental prices!  
I chose something that worked within my budget, and could be returned if there were any defects or problems.  I bought it from Amazon, because I wanted to have the peace of mind they provide, plus I got the benefit of 2 day shipping from my Prime membership.  The Teqin Bedwetting Alarm is a prime ship item.


We have been using it nearly a week, and while it's slow going, it's only because my son is a SOUND sleeper.  He can sleep through our building fire alarm... he can sleep through pretty much anything... which is REMARKABLE, considering he can EASILY and quickly wake up from the notification sound his Xbox makes when a friend messages or invites him to a party..   It would be AMAZING if you could upload your OWN sound to the machine... hmm... something to suggest!!!  
He doesn't complain about the fit, and the alarm itself isn't bothersome.  it's about the size of a silver dollar, shaped like a heart. It's relatively thin, and the outside is smooth, so there are no corners or edges to cause discomfort.  
I tried sleeping with it the first night (the arm part... I don't wet... just saying) because I firmly believe if you expect your child to do something, you MUST be willing to do it too.  So I tried it. My arms are a bit larger than most, but it still fit without an issue. I was able to sleep in it comfortably, without it waking me up at all.
It's small and discreet enough that it could easily be worn around others without anyone noticing or identifying what it is.  Your child can wear it under a t-shirt on vibrate at a friends house, and be able to wake up when they begin to urinate.  This is a HUGE step for most children with this issue, as they are ashamed and don't want their friends to know.  It's embarrassing for them. So most miss out on sleepovers and birthdays and such, things that require a sleepover, because of their bedwetting.

review image

You can choose between white, pink or blue, and the arm strap is large enough to fit an adult, so you won't have any problem using this on your 10 or even 20yr old. 
It is rechargeable, so no extra batteries.  You can charge it with the conveniently included Micro USB charging cord during the day, and have it ready for night.
Choose from beeping and strong vibration or only vibration.  
It's sensors are strong enough to detect one single drop of urine.

In the package you get the rechargeable enuresis alarm, standard USB cable and instructions.  As a BONUS, you get a progress card, and 2 pages of stickers.  You can record your child's successes and have a visible reminder of how well they're doing.




ok...Now that you're super interested in trying it out... you can follow any one of the links I gave... I purchased it on Amazon.  Here is the link to it's listing.



I received this item to test and give you my honest opinion.  I was not provided with any other compensation or gifts. The opinions stated are 100% my own.  I do not take on reviews that require me to provide a dishonest or manufactured opinion.  I like talking WAY too much to be told what to say!!!

Wednesday, March 28, 2018

Bedwetting... it's not just babies.

Bedwetting.  There.  I said it.  It's really a taboo subject, and no one really wants to talk about it.  It's embarrassing.  How do you really have a conversation about it?
Oh... yeah.  My kid is in middle school, and still wets the bed.

Parents feel like they've done something wrong... they can't get their kid to use the toilet at night.   But what I've learned in my journey, is that it is NOT the child's fault.

There are a number of things that can cause bedwetting, although the exact cause of a specific child's enuresis will likely ALWAYS remain unknown.

My child is 12, and still wets the bed.  Around age 8 he nearly had it  BEAT, but his father had a bladder infection that ended up getting into his blood stream, (Sepsis) and it nearly killed him.  The week after we came home from the hospital (we stayed in the hospital with him... neither of us wanted to leave his side) he started wetting nightly.  And it never stopped.

Many doctors will suggest MANY ways to help this...


Positive reinforcement of the child.  Using sticker charts to mark dry nights.  It is widely known that any sort of negative response is only detrimental to the child's emotional wellbeing and future success with nighttime wetting.

No drinks at least 1 hour prior to bedtime.  If this doesn't help at all, then it's not really necessary.  If a child needs a drink for comfort, then it's important not to deny them.
NO caffeine drinks before bed.  This is important either way.  The effects that caffeine has on a child's system are multiple and harmful.  Its wise to not allow young children to consume caffeinated beverages ANY time.

 Bladder training is another go to.  It can help increase the bladder size, and the child's ability to identify when they have to urinate.  There are conflicting ways to accomplish this...  One way suggests you have your child urinate EVERY 2 hours while they're awake.  Even if they feel like they can't go, even just a few drops.  This get's the brain trained to know to expect urination every 2 hours.  While they're sleep, after a while, it is meant to help them wake to complete this training.
The other way is meant to help increase the actual size and capacity of the bladder.  Similar to how a competitive eater would increase their stomach size, it is done by having the child wait as long as they can to urinate, to allow the bladder to get full.  Continuing to do this regularly would increase the size.

Next is medications (prescribed by urologist)

Finally, and so far, the only real option that has helped at all so far, use of a night time alarm.
Alarms usually attach by Velcro around the arm (similar to the way you would have an mp3 while running) with a waterproof tube and sensor at the end of the tube.  The sensor is put inside the underwear or diaper, and at the FIRST sense of wetness, the alarm goes off.  Once the child wakes, they can then go to the bathroom and finish urinating.  Eventually, through constant use, the child will recognize when they have to use the bathroom and wake up.  The same way the rest of us do.

I tried EVERYTHING to help my child not wet.  We used to wake him up multiple times every night, to have him go pee. It worked... sort of.   But its not realistic to expect us to be up every night to wake him up.  And as he's gotten older, we no longer sleep in the same room, so it is harder still.
He also has gotten 10x harder to wake!  But the alarm is loud enough that it does.
It wakes him up as soon as he gets a slight bit wet.  It helps him to get up and finish urinating, and he can go straight back to sleep.

There is still some medical things we need to look at.. He doesn't seem to empty his bladder 100%, which can also contribute to enuresis.  I love our alarm, and highly suggest this one,  but if your child is continuing to wet the bed well into elementary school and middle school, your child should be seen by a urologist.  You can easily get a referral for one.

To end, here are a few statistics...

15% of five-year-olds, or around 3-4 children in a first grade class, are not dry every night.
85% of children eventually outgrow bedwetting without treatment.
In the teenage years, only 2%-5% of children continue to wet their bed.
Bedwetting boys outnumber girls by a ratio of 4 to 1.

Tuesday, February 6, 2018

In the market for a new fitness watch?

I recently decided it was time to buy a new tracking watch.  You've seen plenty...they go by many names.  Fitbit, Apple Watch, Garmin Vivofit... but those are expensive, and don't really do MUCH in comparison to what ELSE is on the market!!

So I went onto my FAVORITE site, Amazon, and bought a couple tracking watches, to see what they REALLY offer, and if they're different from the expensive name brands.

You can see my FULL reviews on my Amazon profile...

Stay tuned for more...