When therapy isn't enough: dealing with an angry child | Sandling All Day

Thursday, April 20, 2017

When therapy isn't enough: dealing with an angry child

Background... my child was diagnosed with anxiety and ODD (oppositional defiance disorder) at the tender age of 5 1/2.  Beginning at the age of three, he'd hit, kick, bite & headbutt us until he got his way.

Fastforward. He's 11, and 260lbs.  He hits like a grown ass man.  Trust me... I know.
He's been in therapy for YEARS, with no real progress... he hasn't been to school in over a month,  and hasn't ACTUALLY spent more than 40 hours TOTAL inside his school this year.
Every day is a BATTLE for control.

-He doesn't get his way, he fights.
-He has a bad day outside, he fights.
-His transformer won't transformer, he fights.

Today started out like every other day.  He wakes me up,  DEMANDING to take him out because it's the last day of the pokemon go event,  and he HAS to hatch a rare one out of a 2k egg because they'll NEVER do it again.   So we oblige.
From 9:30 until after 1pm, we drive around downtown and let him spin pokestops.

We get home,  and I sit down from 3:30 until 9pm playing minecraft with him, just to keep him happy.

9, he decides he wants to dance... but he can't find his socks.
So he knees his dad in the crotch and, them while he's down,  he kicks him in his knee. (If you DON'T know,  my husband needs both knees replaced.)
I try to help, and he starts throwing my pillows on the ground, and as I bend down to pick it up, he kicks me in the face.  I get up,  pissed, of course, and continue what I'm doing, because with all these years,  I KNOW response makes it worse.  I have my back to him, and he rolls up a magazine,  and slaps me HARD across my face.
It's ALL I can do not to come at him,  because remember,  He's only 11... and the state doesn't care that he weighs more than I do, is stronger than than me and literally hurts me EVERY day... He's 11... that's what matters.   So I refrain.

I know what you're thinking... I've never called the police on him, because he has SERIOUS anxiety issues. If he were arrested, taken to inpatient or even called on, not only would the next time be worse,  but he'd go through abandonment and fear issues... he'd never trust us again.

So I attempt to ignore his behavior, and sit down.  He holds a package of paper plates in each hand, swinging them at my face.  I tell him that's threatening. He sneers at me and said "How am I threatening you?"  I explained that I fear he'll let one go and hit me...so I feel threatened.   He lets one go...right at my face.
I can't hold it anymore.   I jumped up, and he TAKES OFF down the hallway, laughing.  I give chase. I pick up his xbox remote, and it's all I can do not to hit him back...I slam it down,  hearing the batteries fall.  He looks up and rushes me, swinging wildly at my head.  He connects,  but it slides off.  My husband is in between us, as my son swings & misses, over & over again.   I tell my husband that I've had enough.
Im now rushing to get dressed, locate my keys & phone... grab my purse.
I hear my son coming.  I make a dash for the  door...usually if I can get it open,  it deters him.   He's yelling & crying that I broke his remote (the battery cover is broken,  but can be replaced)  I'm outside the door...he lunges at me, hands gripped TIGHT around my throat.  I back up & escape his hold...I'm used to this,  unfortunately.

I'm now safe, in my car.  I fear for my husband,  whose blood pressure was so high last month that it caused a hemorrhage in his eye... he calls me & tells me we need a new tv.  Apparently our son punched it...

I know he needs help.  He's got a therapist & psychologist...we're in a wraparound program...even have a "safety plan" in place...

Please,  I do NOT want to hear your opinion that I should call the police or something.   I'm well aware of his issues... but I know my son best,  and what would make him worse.

If you post a negative comment, it WILL be removed.

Im tired... I have no idea how long I'll have to sit in my vehicle.  I hope he falls asleep soon!!

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